005: Put The Oxygen Mask On Yourself First
Jessica Hische is an exceptional lettering artist.
The thing that I find the most inspiring about her work is that, like all great artists, it seems to have a character to it that you cannot quite put into words. Looking well beyond the skill of her ability to draw or to use Adobe Illustrator, her work seems to encapsulate a spirit of her personality that cannot be replicated by anyone else. This life and trueness to spirit, is what all artists seek and often never find - especially when working in an often commercial environment like Hische is.
In an interview she gave with Chase Jarvis (see specific section here), she said the following phrase:
“You have to put your own oxygen mask on before you can help others”
Hische didn’t come up with this phrase, but her interview with Jarvis was the first time I was introduced to it. It resonated with me because, at the time, this was the very thing I needed to do for myself.
BC AND AD
I see my business journey so far as comprising of two main parts.
The first, BC, was the time Before Covid.
Before Covid was a tricky time for me. Anyone who was close to me during this period observed the difficulty I had in trying to get my business off the ground. During the period from leaving a stable job in 2016 to the onset of Covid, I found it really difficult to find anyone that wanted to work with me.
Then Covid came along and the work I did have vanished overnight. I then found myself in a position of having no work, no opportunities and no prospects. Add into the mix that I fell through the net for government support, and the future didn’t look particularly great.
I spent my days during the first lockdown decorating and building my little studio - the space that featured in last week’s video. As part of this work, I found an old door in the shed that had been left and forgotten by a previous owner of our house. It was the door that once separated the kitchen from the dining room and it is now warped and cracked after nearly 200 years of use.
I built this door into what is now my desk. It is quite important to me because I sat at this desk for the first time when I began my first project after the immediate impact of Covid. I refer to this period as the beginning of the AD chapter (also known as, After Desk) of my business journey - the chapter I’m now living through.
This first project involved almost an entire day’s work for only £25 payment (beggars can’t be choosers, right?). I distinctly remember sitting at that desk and thinking:
“This is where I build from. This is ground zero”.
THE NEGATIVE SPIRAL
One thing I’ve noticed about negative thinking is that it can quickly spiral out of control. One negative event can lead to a perception of bad luck, where the next bad event leads to another bad event, so on and so forth. As result of this, we can spiral more and more into a pit of negative thinking. And this can become a vicious cycle if we don’t take action.
The brilliant Peter Basford of the BGCN introduced me to concept of negative self talk. In other words, the language that we use when we speak to ourselves in our own minds. Is that language positive or is it negative?
Peter was introduced to this concept by his friend, the late, great, Clive Gott. Clive was a brilliant motivational speaker and his audiobooks and videos live on beyond his passing. You can see some of Clive’s videos on his Youtube channel.
What’s interesting is, you’d be surprised at how much our body language, let alone our words, can reveal what version of this language we are using in our minds. And this mindset can have an enormous impact on our choices and decisions moving forwards, because negative self talk leads us into approaching our lives from a negative perspective.
BREAKING THE SPIRAL
It therefore makes sense that we need to break this spiral and try to get on a more positive trajectory. The fact of the matter is, if you’re trying to make a sale, inspire someone to believe in your idea or do your most creative and exciting work, you aren’t going to do that by starting from a place of negativity.
So how do you break the spiral?
Well, everyone seems to have an answer to that question. Whether it’s meditation, treating yourself, mindfulness, walking outdoors, getting extra sleep or doing some exercise. There are countless answers and solutions on offer.
Many people do see a tangible improvement through implementing these activities. But if none of these ideas work for you, it’s easy to think that there might be something wrong with you.
I think ultimately it’s about finding the thing that works for you. Forget the self-help gurus who tell you what will work, ultimately I think it’s about trying completely different things and experimenting to see what works for you as an individual.
If, like me, none of that stuff works for you - I once did an in-person mindfulness course for 12 entire weeks with no real effect - then you’re probably thinking “What will work for me?”
That can be quite a positive opportunity in itself if you look at it in the right way. There are lots of things that you could try that, heck, you might actually enjoy.
I thought I would just share with you the thing that has been the catalyst for change in my mindset from BC to AD - in case it might be a good starting point for you.
The shift, for me, has been working with a mentor. But I’m not talking about a mentor that is part of the bubble that is your world. For me it had to be someone who was not a family member, or a friend, or a colleague, or a client, or someone who knows my clients, or someone who is even aware of the people and the networks in my local area.
That separation was important. But also, they needed to be someone knowledgeable, experienced, looking out for me, who would challenge my preconceptions, who could be a sounding board for my ideas and someone who would help me to find my own answers (rather than someone who would tell me what to do).
A single hour and a half conversation has honestly, completely shifted my perspective from what I thought was right, to what I knew was the right course of action - time and time and time again. And that mindset shift has helped me, personally, to go from a negative mindset BC, to a more resilient, positive mindset, AD.
So, next time you’re feeling the onset of negative self talk (like we all experience from time to time), what do you think you’ll try next to break the spiral for you?
James
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