015: How Happy Is Your Money?
What’s your relationship to money like?
Do you find that you always have enough money to do the experiences that you enjoy? To be able to buy the things that you need, to be able to support the people that are important to you and to lead a fulfilling and joyful life?
Or, is your experience of money forever fraught with fear and anxiety? Perhaps you never have enough money coming in to cover your outgoings. Maybe you don’t know where your next pay cheque is coming from, or that you might lose your money and not be able to survive. Perhaps you’re doing a job (or a series of projects) you dislike, day in / day out because that’s the only way to pay your bills.
The differences in how you approach your money can be seen as having an abundance mindset or a scarcity mindset. Based on your intuition, which version of this mindset do you think you have?
Want to do that creative project you’ve always been longing to do?
“No time.”
Want to explore that new idea or opportunity you have your sights set on?
“Can’t afford it.”
Want to spend time doing something joyful instead of feeling chained to your desk?
“I’d better get back to work…”
HAPPY MONEY
This week, I’ve been listening to Ken Honda’s Happy Money which explores the relationship each of us have with money. It was a recommendation by the brilliant Jessica Pidsley of Full Time Human.
The book is a fascinating exploration into our sometimes positive, but often negative experience of money. Honda points out that each of us will have our own preconceptions of how we treat money, and much of our thinking can be attributed to the ways our parents (and our grandparents) experienced money for themselves. Our ancestors have passed down their approach to money from generation to generation - and your perception, is most likely, aligned with their views.
One of the big realisations I took from the book, is just how much our relationship to money can affect so many parts of our lives, including:
Our happiness
The decisions we make
The way we speak, the actions we take and the body language we use
How we experience our lives
Whether we experience our lives in the present (or in the future, or the past)
How we approach our work
Whether or not we feel energised to do our best work
Whether we foster positive and happy relationships
Whether we feel like we have found our purpose and fulfilment in life
Whether we feel valued and important in society
This goes beyond whether or not you can afford a brand new car, a house with more bedrooms than you need or the latest 8K TV. Money is fundamental to your happiness, fulfilment and genuine experience of life - whether you like it or not.
Also, as Honda points out, when our income rises our expenditure also tends to rise to match our new found wealth. This means that those who (in a traditional sense) are seen as wealthy, can also be trapped in a bind of never having enough from month to month.
THE FLOW OF MONEY
What is the right amount of money for you? What is enough?
Well for starters, we need to be able to pay our bills, to put food on the table, to have a roof over our heads and to be able to support our loved ones.
But more than this, we need to feel secure. We need to be able to grow, to develop, to have a positive experience of life and to be able to work towards whatever we feel is our true purpose.
The actual monetary figure of what is enough for you - is unique to you. But a healthy distinction can be made between what you really need and what you think you want. Just because someone you went to school with chooses to measure success based on having the latest car, a big house and the latest designer clothes, doesn’t mean that you need to have that driver for success too.
But at the same time, there’s no need to shun money or live without it because you feel like you are not worthy of having it in abundance. Having everything you need to fulfil your best life should not be frowned upon.
You deserve to feel valued, worthy and happy.
Building a positive flow
At its core, the exchange of goods and services in return for money is an exchange of value.
As sellers, we can feel undervalued if our hard work doesn’t match up to quantity of money we are paid. But as buyers, we can feel ripped off if the sum we have paid for something doesn’t match up to the value we have received.
In both cases, the buyer or seller can feel resentment, fear, anger and panic if the balance isn’t fair for both parties.
What we need is a win-win solution for both sides of the transaction.
Honda goes further than this though and describes the flow of money as a flow of energy. He argues that if you pay with joy, your money is sent positively to the person you are paying. They can feel the joy and energy that you have shared with them, enabling them to feel valued and important.
However, if you spend your money out of anxiety and panic (perhaps because you’re worried that you have a finite amount of money that you will never recover), the person on the receiving end can feel that too.
This may sound like mumbo jumbo, but if we think about the language someone uses (on both sides of a transaction) it can tell you a great deal about a person’s relationship with money. And that, by default, is a big part of the make up of the relationship between the pair of you.
Is Your Money Smiling?
In the book, Honda gives an example of being at party where a woman asks to see the contents of his wallet.
She pulls out the notes, assesses them, puts them back into the wallet and proclaims that Honda’s money is ‘smiling’. The alternative, it turns out, could have been that Honda’s money was ‘crying’.
But what on earth does that mean?
Well, long story short, Honda’s money had been earnt through joy. He had given himself fully to the joyful pursuit of creating a service that others loved. And those people paid Honda gratefully for the impact he had on their lives.
Further to this, Honda spent his money gratefully on others, sharing his wealth with people who enriched his life and made his experiences broader than the quantity of money that he had.
His wealth, therefore, was not the number of assets he owned or the value of his stocks and shares, but the energy of money that passed freely (and joyfully) to him - and from him.
So, do you spend your money joyfully? Are you conscious that you are passing that energy to somebody else so that they can feel valued, important and able to do their best work?
And do you receive money gratefully, regardless of the amount, because somebody else has given you new energy to do your best work? Does that make you feel valued?
If your answer to either of these questions is no, then something is off.
Perhaps we could talk about it?
MOVING Towards win-win OUTCOMES
You don’t need to be a martyr any longer if you choose not to be. And you can choose to have a different experience of money if you want to - Ken’s book is a great place to start.
But why not get started today?
As a buyer of something, consider, what rate of pay do you feel is an appropriate rate to enable your fellow human being (the seller) to feel valued in delivering their product or service? What would make you feel generous - but at the same time - not resentful?
As a seller of something, consider, what rate of pay are you going to charge your fellow human being (the buyer) so that you find a balance between their happiness - but you also feel valued and able to do your best work? Then, once you have that money, how will you share your new found wealth with others so that you can pass that energy on to them too?
The conversation needs to flow both ways - and work for both parties.
James
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