002: The Curse of the Wedding Band
A new idea needs the support of others to help it to gain traction.
This adoption cannot be earned by simply shouting at people louder (and in greater intensity) to get them to bend to your will.
Not only is this a fool’s errand - because they will likely reject the idea more readily - forcing people to your way of thinking is not a positive way to generate traction. Further to this, it doesn’t create the ideal conditions for your idea to spread naturally (or organically) through a group of people.
So, whether it’s convincing people to buy your new product or service, or getting people to change behaviour that is ingrained both habitually and within society, you have an uphill battle on your hands. This uphill battle, with limited success, can cause you to lose heart and to give up on your wider goal. So what should you do?
Well, let’s examine the simple idea of dancing at a wedding.
TO DANCE OR NOT TO DANCE?
I was recently invited to a friend’s wedding in the Republic of Ireland. Kirsty and I flew into Belfast before hiring a car and driving right across the country to the County of Donegal.
The venue for the ceremony, a small church, was situated within a stunning landscape. Nestled in the valley at the end of a loch, we were treated to the most incredible sunset on the eve of the wedding.
The ceremony itself was perfect. The bride and groom were radiant and the service went without a hitch. I was given the job of usher and, as you might expect, I executed my duties to the highest level of diligence.
Following the service, we enjoyed a one hour drive over the mountains through the Glenveigh National Park. This journey got us to the reception, located in a stately home on the outskirts of Letterkenny, where we enjoyed champagne, the most incredible food and time with friends.
And then, the wedding band began to play…
PLAYING TO THE EMPTY ROOM
On paper, we had everything we needed for a lively party:
The band were clearly a talented group of musicians.
They were playing a mixture of traditional and contemporary songs, seemingly suitable for all tastes, that were re-interpreted for acoustic guitar, fiddle and bass.
The band had been hired based on a glowing recommendation. They were also *so* popular, you had to book them months (if not years) in advance.
They sounded great, were mixed properly and amplified through a comprehensive system of good quality equipment.
The house lights were dimmed and an array of moving lights were set up to create the right mood.
The alcohol had been flowing (for the guests) all afternoon. In theory this should have lubricated everyone's dancing joints and got them out on the dance floor.
But the floor was empty.
At one point, I was the only person to clap at the end of a song. The relief on the fiddle player’s face was clear - at least somebody had clapped and filled the silence…
As this lack of engagement from the wedding guests continued, the band were starting to get a little exasperated. After all, as human beings, we tend to judge the success or failure of something based on the engagement of others (rather than the inherent qualities of the thing itself).
I’ve been a member of a wedding band playing to an empty room on more occasions than I’d like to remember. It was difficult because you were playing your heart out, doing everything you could, because you wanted people to enjoy themselves. The hours of rehearsals as a band, the practicing that went into learning your instrument, the agonising over the set list, the investment in good quality equipment, the effort to make it sound as good as it possibly could be. All of this was done because we wanted the audience to have a good time (and in many ways to like us, to buy into us).
It leads to a natural question that most of us ask when we aren’t getting the traction we would like - especially when we are trying everything we can possibly think of to get a result. That question is:
WHAT’S GOING WRONG HERE?
There are lots of variables at play in this situation. Just a few of them could include:
The audience don’t like the music
The music is too loud
The band are trying too hard
The band aren’t trying hard enough
The audience never wanted a band in the first place (like most people’s marketing, this band is being thrust upon them…)
Each audience member has their own taste in music (which probably isn’t being satisfied)
Everyone is full from dinner
The guests don’t like dancing
They don’t want to feel embarrassed by their dancing abilities
The guests just want to speak to one another at the bar
They haven’t had enough to drink yet
They don’t want to be the first one on the dance floor
They don’t want to be the only ones on the dance floor
This last one is a particularly interesting one. In Damon Centola’s book ‘Change’, Centola speaks about the required ratio of a social network that is needed for an idea to take hold.
In the research he references, it has been regularly proven that you need at least 25% of a group to adopt a behaviour before it propagates throughout the entire group. Not 24%, not 22.5%, at least 25% is needed every time.
So, is that was happening here? 25% of people left the dance floor after the couple’s first dance (so everyone left). And conversely, do we need 25% of people to return to the dance floor to bring the entire group?
INTERMISSION
At this stage, the band stopped for a break and headed outside for some air.
I met the groom at the bar who confessed he wasn’t sure about the music. And that train of thought is to be expected. Like most newlyweds on their wedding day, they were probably wrestling with two important thoughts in their minds. These were:
Are our guests having the most amazing time, or are they not?
Have we invested our money in the right suppliers, or have we made a mistake?
On the band’s return, I decide I’m going to say something. I go over to the band and congratulate them on what was an excellent set. I compliment them on how tight, as a group, they played together and ask them how long they’d known one another. I compliment them on the quality of the sound and how good it sounded out in the room. I also say the following:
“I’m really looking forward to hearing your next set.”
These were, basically, all of the things I wished someone had said to me when I was in the same position.
BACK ON
When the second (much shorter) set began, the mood had shifted. The players were lifted and into a new level of performance. The dance floor filled, people sang and danced, and most importantly, they stayed.
In fact, they were disappointed when the music stopped and the set was over. Everyone was in unanimous approval, the band were excellent. Also, thankfully, the groom was ecstatic with his (and his wife’s) choice as well.
All’s well that ends well.
Now, I’m not really suggesting that my words made the difference in this situation. As I have already mentioned, there were probably lots of dynamics going on in that room (including the effects of the mini burgers served during the break). But I think that there were a few useful truths that we could take from this story:
There are likely to be lots of reasons why something is, or is not, working
The perceived success of something is often linked to the number of people who have adopted the idea (rather than the inherent qualities of the idea itself).
This variable can be amplified or skewed by the quantities involved. I.e. if more people are dancing - they are a great band. If nobody is dancing - they are a rubbish band (even if all other variables, including skill and talent, stay the same).
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR ME (AND YOU)?
What I wanted to get across to that wedding band was that somebody cared. At least one person in the room was enjoying their performance. One person was actively listening to them and picking up on some of the things that they cared about. I wanted them to know that their efforts weren’t in vein.
Turning this around to the thing that you are trying to achieve. It’s easy to feel like you aren’t going anywhere because you haven’t yet achieved that critical success. You haven’t crossed the chasm yet (or moved up the Rogers Curve, as lots of people mention).
Does this lack of numbers mean that you should stop?
Should you stop even though you know that you are doing something special?
I would argue that the numbers involved should not be your sole measure of success for your idea and your efforts. There are countless dynamics involved in yours (and everyone else’s) situation.
What else could you do instead of focusing on trying to convert the mass market? Especially when this is likely to be a waste of time, energy, effort and money? In other words, a drain of resources that will probably cause you to give up before you succeed.
What if we changed our approach?
What if we abandoned putting *so* much focus into getting / forcing others to buy into our idea?
What if we focused instead on playing to the one person in the room? The one, or the few, that are engaged, that are interested, that are passionate, that want to be there.
What if you made sure that you gave the *most* exceptional product or service to that tiny group (or that single person)?
What if that person then brought a second person, and then a small group and then a larger group and then a crowd?
What would that mean…?
That change in mindset could be the difference between you persevering with your idea and you giving up.
From there, all we need is better ways to help our idea to propagate itself.
James
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